


5 Times Tony Stark Got Caught (& 1 Time He Caught Someone Else)

by DarthAbby



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5+1 Things, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Sex Jokes, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 15:09:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18758917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthAbby/pseuds/DarthAbby
Summary: 5+1 of variations on“Let’s face it, this isn’t the worst thing you’ve caught me doing.”





	5 Times Tony Stark Got Caught (& 1 Time He Caught Someone Else)

**Author's Note:**

> [original tumblr prompt](https://butim-justharry.tumblr.com/post/184740895163/tony-stark-being-caught-doing-increasingly) \- queenvsbarton asked: tony stark being caught doing increasingly absurd-out-of-context things by various other avengers?

**1\. Bruce Banner**

Really, Tony should get a pass for this one. He might be weird, but he’s not out there being a real life Jekyll-and-Hyde. That’s  _definitely_  much weirder, right? Tony might be strange, but he doesn’t turn green and enormous and get strong enough to take on  _Thor_  with his bare hands.

So, he really should get a pass here, right?

Too bad Bruce didn’t seem to think so.

“So,” he said, very deliberately deadpan. “What are you up to, Tony?”

Tony, who was wearing a pair of boxer briefs, a lot of grease smudges, and nothing else, just glared at him. “You have the  _worst_  timing, you know that?”

Bruce just shrugged and leaned against the doorway, apparently content to watch as Tony wiggled out from the awkward position he was in - mostly upside down, doing maintenance on one of the arms that help him in and out of the suit.

“You know, I think I understand now how there are so many pictures of your bare ass floating around on the internet.”

“I don’t have to explain my methods to you!” he snapped.

Bruce shrugged again, laughed, and left the room before Tony could even try to do just that.

* * *

 

**2\. Clint Barton**

Clint is no stranger to weird happenings - between growing up in the circus and then being picked up by SHIELD (which is it’s own kind of circus), he’s seen plenty of odd things over the years.

So, honestly, he had no right to look  _that_  weirded out.

“It’s for a prank, Barton!” Tony yelled as his teammate beat a quick retreat, but there was no response. He grumbled and turned back to the screen in front of him. “JARVIS, add another hundred to the order, just for Katniss.”

“ _Of course, sir_ ,” JARVIS sighed, and the number ticked up from 700 to 800. 

Tony cackled delightedly. Oh, the things he could do with 800 dildos…

* * *

 

**3\. Steve Rogers**

Okay, well… of all the people to walk in on him right then, Steve wasn’t the  _absolute_  worst. But he was still up there.

“Heeeeey, Cap,” Tony said, trying valiantly to sound casual. “What’s up?”

Steve raised an eyebrow, with deliberate slowness. “Tony, what on earth…?”

Tony blinked rapidly, as though that would help with the blood rushing to his head. “Just a - just a little experiment, you know? No big deal.” He smiled, but it felt painful. Probably  _looked_  painful, too, if the concern on Steve’s face was anything to go by. “I’m  _fine_.”

“JARVIS?”

“ _Sir has been stuck for the past eleven minutes, and would not let me call for help.”_

Tony pouted at the closest camera. “Traitor.”

Steve shook his head and reached up. “C’mon, Tony. I’ll get you down.”

He sighed and let his arms drop to hang freely above his head, admitting defeat.  _Stupid anti-grav boots. Stupid faulty wiring. Stupid, stubborn me._

* * *

 

**4\. Sam Wilson**

“Stark, I got - okay, what the hell, man?”

Tony turned,  _very_  carefully, and spread his hands in a placating manner. “It’s… not what it looks like?”

Sam crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. “Really? ‘cus it looks like you’re stuck in a leather catsuit.”

“…okay, it’s  _exactly_  what it looks like.”

Sam huffed a laugh and stepped forward. “I’ll help you and won’t ask  _why_  you’re cosplaying as the Black Widow, and in return you upgrade my wings.”

“Deal. Now hurry up, I’m losing circulation to some  _very_  important things.”

Sam snickered the entire time, but he did eventually free Tony, and swore up and down he wouldn’t tell a soul in exchange for multiple drones to be added to his artillery. 

* * *

 

**5\. Scott Lang**

Tony honestly had no idea how Ant-Man had even gotten this far into the compound, because he was  _pretty_  sure that the guy wasn’t an official Avenger, and only authorized personnel could make it past the front door.  _Tony_  certainly hadn’t added Lang to that short list, so who the hell  _had_?

In any case, he had been dead certain that he would be  _completely alone_  today and now he  _wasn’t_ , and if Lang’s eyes got any bigger they could star in a Panic! at the Disco song. 

“ _What_ ,” he snapped.

Lang jumped a little, actually  _blushed_ , and stammered out a mumbled string of words that sounded something like an apology before doing an abrupt about-face and leaving  _very_  quickly.

Tony sighed heavily and looked upwards, as though for salvation, but none arrived. Damnit, this is why he always tried to do  _this_  particular work when no one was around. There was just no good way to check and adjust the joints and servos around the suit’s waist and upper thighs without looking like he was either giving the suit a blow job or, like what Lang had walked in on, a rim job. It probably didn’t help that, currently, the suit was bent forward over the workbench so that he could get to the inner-thigh area, or that the tiny tools he needed for the precision work meant that his face was about two inches away from the metal.

Who the  _hell_  had made Lang an authorized person, anyways?

* * *

 

**+1. Peter Parker**

“ _Boss, Peter is in need of some assistance.”_

Tony looked up from his tablet with a frown. “Assistance? Where?”

“ _His lab.”_

“His  _lab?”_ Tony repeated, a bit incredulously. “FRIDAY, he was supposed to leave hours ago.”

“ _I reminded him of that, but he said he would as soon as he was finished.”_

There was something in her voice, a mix of amusement and resignation, and Tony caught the unspoken last words easily enough.  _Just like you_. He rolled his eyes and stood. “Okay, tell him I’m on my way.”

The lab area he had given Peter was on the same level as his own and Bruce’s (when Bruce was in the country), and wasn’t far from his personal space, so Tony walked in on the tail-end of an argument.

“FRIDAY, I told you, I’m  _fine,_ you didn’t have to tell Mr. Stark -”

“Actually, I think she did,” Tony said, strolling up with his hands in his pockets and one eyebrow raised. “So, what happened here?”

Peter flushed in embarrassment. “Uh, h-hey, Mr. Stark. Just… testing out some new web fluid.”

Tony cocked his head to the side, taking in the scene. Peter was hanging from the ceiling by his hands, which wasn’t  _completely_  out of the ordinary, to be fair. But it didn’t look like this time he had much choice in the matter, as his hands were completely enveloped by what seemed to be actual cement.

“I think you got the mixture a little wrong.”

Peter winced. “A bit.”

Tony managed to keep his laughter to a few chuckles as he moved towards Peter’s desk. “Okay, kid, tell me where the dissolving agent is.”

It took two step ladders (the first one wasn’t tall enough) and about four times as much dissolving agent than what Peter would normally use, but they finally got him off the ceiling without making any holes.

“T-thanks, Mr. Stark,” Peter said, not looking at him as he furiously scrubbed off the remainder of the cement-web. 

“No problem, kid,” he said, patting him on the shoulder. “Trust me, I’ve been caught in  _much_  weirder situations.”


End file.
